Shakespeare-in-the-Park 2024

List of Acts :

Please note that certain parts of the production are improvised, and change each night.

• • Pre-show fairground activities 
  • Amanda welcome speech
  • Well Hello Friends — introducing the company
  • Song – Hello/Goodbye Friends (created by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)
  • Sonnet Jingle (created by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)
  • Sonnet 29  (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by A. Kellock) 
  • Song – Shall I Compare Thee (written by W. Shakespeare and A.Kellock, composed by N.Carpenter, performed by A. Kellock) 
  • How Will it End? – Act (created by M Jimenez, performed by full company)
  • Jake-Wheeze bit 1:  J. Cohen (with A.Kellock, E. Pond and N. Carpenter)
  • Sonnet 94 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by E.Pond) 
  • DJ Titania and the Mazèd World (created by G.Jain and W. Shakespeare, performed by full company)
  • Sonnet 139 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by M Jimenez)
  • Jake-Wheeze bit 2: J. Cohen and G. Jain (Come Away Death version one composed by J. Cohen, version two composed by G. Jain lyrics by W. Shakespeare)
  • To Be or Not to Be – with alternating special guest
  • Sonnet 97- How Like a Winter (SONG composed by N. Carpenter, words by W. Shakespeare)
  • Jake-Wheeze bit 3: J. Cohen and E. Pond
  • Insult-Off (whole company and audience volunteers)
  • Sonnet 116  (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by G. Jain)
  • Sonnet 138 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by J. Cohen)
  • The Taming of the Tap! (text by W. Shakespeare, created/performed by M. Jimenez)
  • Song – You’re Speaking Shakespeare (by N. Carpenter and A. Kellock)
  • Shall I Compare Thee  – Customized sonnet (E.Pond and J.Cohen) 
  • The story of the BEAR (full company)
  • Sonnet 15 – by W. Shakespeare, performed by a guest Young Shakespearean
  • On This Stage  (SONG composed by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)
  • Epilogue: The Rain it Raineth (song by W.Shakespeare, performed by full company)

Characters:

NICK Carpenter as Sir Frednick of Gaunt 

Gitanjali (GITU) Jain as Gitania

ELLY Pond as Elly Eglantine

MARIA Jimenez as Maria Cha-Cha

JAKE Cohen as Jake-Wheeze

AMANDA Kellock as a variety of possible names (Lady Am? Mandonio? Amandipholus of Ephesus?)

Pre-show fairground activities and Welcome Speech

Audience members find their seats or mill about participating in pre-show activities.

Amanda welcomes the audience (speech not included here.)

Well Hello Friends –– Introducing the Company

Amanda:

(Sung) Well hello friends
We meet again
How have you been?
Shall we begin?

Bonsoir à tout
Et bienvenue
Comment-allez-vous?
Bon! Allons nous… 

(Spoken) Pour notre spectacle de Variété Infini, voici notre compagnie!
Would you like to meet our Infinite Variety Players?
I said, Would you like to meet our Infinite Variety Players? 

Sir Frednick of Gaunt! 

Gitania! (enter Gitania)

Maria-Cha-Cha ! (enter Maria-Cha-Cha)

Jake-Wheeze ! (enter Jake-Wheeze)

And the fairiest of fairies, Elly Eglantine ! (enter Elly Eglantine) 

Elly:

That’s Me!

Amanda:

Ce soir, préparez-vous à être émerveillés!
On this stage, we have for you tonight, a series of acts so wondrous, so extraordinary, you’ll be knocked right off your grassy knoll. 

1-2-3-4!

(music)

Our resident Mother Nature, Gitania, will mesmerize you with her plant-based poesie.

Our favourite Fool Jake-Wheeze will attempt to tickle your funny bones with some Jacobean jokes!

Jake:

Knock knock!

Amanda:

Who’s there? 

Jake:

“A farmer that hanged himself on th’ expectation of  plenty!” 

Amanda:

Have you ever met a real-life forest fairy? Well you will tonight! She’s sweet – or  at least that’s what she wants you to think… Elly Eglantine! 

Now, if you think those first three are talented, just wait until you meet Maria Cha-cha. She taps, she sings, she can play most anything! 

(Big flourish of Maria playing multiple instruments followed by applause.)

Amanda:

And Sir Frednick will play the piano!

(Nick plays )

And of course, no traveling troupe would be complete, without a Master-Mistress – the one who ties it all together… Mistress Miley!

(After Miley has been introduced:)

Gitu:

(to Amanda) Hey, what about you?

Amanda:

Ah shoot, right, I was supposed to come up with a clever quasi-Shakespearen stage name; I just haven’t had time.

Elly:

Mandonio?

Maria:

Titus Amandicus?

Jake:

Amandipholous of Ephesus?

Amanda:

Wow, great offers… But right now we need to finish setting up our stage. Yeah?

All:

Yeah! 

Song – Hello/Goodbye Friends (created by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)

Amanda:

We gather here as we do each year to say hello and then farewell to poetry and you and me and the words of  William Shakespeare. So let’s open up our traveling case and build a world in which to play. All we need is a few scraps of fabric and a whole lotta Will. (Or at least we’re going to try and make it look that easy!)
Let’s see who speaks to us tonight…

(The cast opens the trunk and sets up the stage.)

Elly:

Mustardseed!

Jake:

Ganymede!

Gitu:

Emilia!

Maria:

Ophelia!

(All)

My hello friend
Oh my goodbye friend
Oh my not again
Oh my once again

(All)

Are you forever
Or of an age
Who are you when
We turn the page?

Amanda:

We have a great show for you –
We have songs, sonnets, musical numbers –
An infinite variety you could say. So stick around!

(All)

Oh…

Amanda: 

Now, you all need to go get ready for the next act, but first, can you help me out? Because I feel some quatrains coming on… I think it’s time for our first sonnet!

Cast sings the Sonnet Jingle  (created by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)

A sonnet, a sonnet!
It’s time for a sonnet!
14 lines that end in a couplet.
Yeah!

Sonnet 29 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by A. Kellock)

Amanda:

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;

    For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
    That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Song: Shall I Compare Thee (written by W. Shakespeare and A.Kellock, composed by N.Carpenter, performed by A. Kellock)

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and thou art more temperate too:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And endless summer always ends too soon;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,

    So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
    So long will live this little song 
    and this little song gives life to thee

Amanda:

Sir Frednick – may I call you Freddy?

Nick:

I prefer Sir Frednick of Gaunt, but Sir Frednick will do.

Amanda:

Right. Well, Sir Frednick, would you mind introducing this next act? I’m in it so I need to go get ready. (exit with Miley)

Nick:

Sure! In this next act, Maria-Cha-Cha has imagined a mini melodrama in which William Shakespeare attempts to sit down and write his very last play. (thinking) It’s not strictly historically accurate, given that his last few plays were actually collaborations, mostly with John Fletcher, but –

(Maria pops her head out of the curtain: “ahem!”. Nick realizes he’s gone off track.) 

Nick:

Right! Sorry! And now, Maria-Cha-Cha as the Bard of Avon!

How Will It End ? – Acte (créé par M Jimenez, interprété par toute la compagnie)

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

I write all night and write all day
According to King’s orders
What’s next for me? A storm at sea?
Twins, star-crossed lovers, a murdered king?
But as I write this final play
Has my quill now met it’s end?
Is the Bard spent?
No, I’ve greatness thrust upon me
It simply cannot be. Let’s see…
To….. be or not be
Ah I’ve already written that one!
Two… households both alike…
NOPE already wrote that too
Double double toil and TROUBLE
Have I been plagued by writer’s block?
I cannot sleep, I cannot eat
I cannot write, I taste defeat
If there’s a God that’s taunting me
I bite my thumb at thee!

(LADY MACBETH enters)

LADY MACBETH (Amanda)

Oh I’m sorry, are you having trouble sleeping?
Some of us you’ve cursed to sleep no more.
Out, damned spot, out!
Out, out damned spot! 

(OPHELIA enters)

OPHELIA (Elly)

(Spoken) Trouble sleeping, I hear?
There’s chamomile for you and lavender…
I would give you some pansies but they withered when my father died.

(CLEOPATRA enters)

CLEOPATRA (Gitu)

Hast thou no care of me Bard?
Shall I abide
In this dull world
Which, in his absence,
Is no better than a sty?
It’s Cleopatra’s end
And I have nothing to live
O, I have nothing to live
My Antony’s dead.

LADY MACBETH (Amanda)

(Spoken) Who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?

CLEOPATRA

(Spoken) Where art thou death? Come hither, come, come!

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

STOP!
They’re tragedies that’s how they end
Must lose our lovers, foe or friends
It’s called good writing, don’t fight me on it.

LADY MACBETH (Amanda)

What’s done cannot be undone,
To bed, to bed, to bed.

 (LADY MACBETH, OPHELIA and CLEOPATRA exit)

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

(Spoken) Ah, back to work. Merrily, merrily shall I write now.

(CHIRON enters)

CHIRON (Jake)

How now Bard?
We have a bone to pick with you. Yo! Bro!

(DEMETRIUS enters. Bro handshake.)

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

O villains, Chiron and Demetrius, From my early-career hit: Titus Andronicus. 

CHIRON (Jake)

In Shakespeare’s plays there are so many ways to die…

DEMETRIUS (Elly)

To die, to die, to die…

CHIRON (Jake)

But to subject us to the most awful death known to mankind

DEMETRIUS (Elly)

It’s absurd

CHIRON (Jake)

It’s unkind

CHIRON and DEMETRIUS (Jake & Elly)

Unrefined

DEMETRIUS (Elly)

(Spoken to audience) Hold up. Do you know how we die? Anyone? Anyone?

CHIRON AND DEMETRIUS (Jake & Elly)

Baked in a pie!

CHIRON (Jake)

And he fed us to our mother!

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

(Spoken) Hell is empty and all the devils are here! Wicked dishonourable men. Have you no shame? Methinks the two of you deserved your end. Leave the stage or be baked once again!

(CHIRON and DEMETRIUS exit. KATHERINE enters)

KATHERINE (Gitu)

Alors monsieur «le barde d’Avon » : Malgré vos efforts de me réduire à une simple conne d’épouse du Roi Henri, sachez que toute cette «lignée prodigieuse anglaise» dont vous vous vantez si souvent —la grande Reine Elizabeth, par exemple— est actuellement grace à moi. Et je sais très bien que ce n’est pas le «bilbow» sinon «ze elbow», ho lala.

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

(Spoken) Ah, Princess Katherine – from my great historic epic, Henry V!
I haven’t the faintest idea what you’ve said but you’re so cute. Hast thou not dropped from heaven?

(KATHERINE exits frustrated; ANTIGONUS enters.)

ANTIGONUS (Jake)

Don’t worry, everyone! I’m okay!
It’s me! Remember? Antigonus?
“Indeed this is the chase: I am gone forever”
(to audience) No?
What about “Exit pursued by a bear”
Oh yeah, you know that one.
No one cares what I have to say
They just wanna see me get chased by the big scary –

(The Bear pokes out behind curtain)

Bear! Not again!

(Exit ANTIGONUS pursued by a bear)

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

Thanks bear! Ah at least I have you Frednick

FREDNICK 

I have a request actually.

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

What? 

FREDNICK

Well, I’ve been re-reading Richard the Second and I was just wondering: why not call it John of Gaunt?

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

What? Why?

FREDNICK

Well, he really is the hero of the play, and has the best lines.

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

Right and it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s your distant relative?

FREDNICK

What, no…

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

Yeah, I’m not gonna do that – (music) Wait, what is that sound?

(Enter MARC ANTONY)

MARC ANTONY (Gitu)

Friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your “orejas”!
Hey Bard you promised me a musical number
Nobody knew I had a voice
And with these hips I could’ve wooed the world
Just write it in you have no choice

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

A dance number? In Julius Caesar?? You can’t be serious.

(Enter MALVOLIO with yellow stockings)

How now Malvolio, you too?

MALVOLIO (Jake)

(Spoken) I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you!
Yeah. I was carrying a lot of anger back then.
Will, I just came to say thank you for the yellow stockings
I’ve never felt so alive.

(Enter RICHARD III)

RICHARD III (Amanda):

Now is the winter of my discontent!

Maria:

Oh, hey Richard. (Nick perks up) The Third. (Nick goes back to reading)

RICHARD III (Amanda): 

You wrote me as a caricature of Tudor propaganda
Convicted me of crimes with the stroke of your pen
It’s not fair! Jerk.

(Enter MESSENGER)

MESSENGER (Elly)

Message for William Shakespeare

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

Sorry, who are you?

MESSENGER (Elly)

(Spoken) Messenger. That’s it. In every play, it’s just Messenger. (adlib name and bio) 

Though what’s in a name? Right, Bard? All I ever do in your plays is deliver a message. And you know what? It’s never good news.  (Starts digging through letters as the others complain loudly about their fate.) Oh look, somebody died! The Queen, my Lord is dead! The King comes here tonight! Etc. 

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

Fie Fie! I have had enough of the lot of you!
You ask for things I simply cannot do
Don’t make me get the BEAR!              (ALL Exit)
Frednick, let’s end this number already! Frednick? Frednick!

FREDNICK

(Reading Richard II)
“This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise…”

SHAKESPEARE (Maria)

(Spoken) Well, I guess I gotta do this alone…

(Goes to write. Beat, looks around, no characters emerge)

Huh. Nobody? No more ghosts to blame me?
No past wrongs to curse or shame me?
What shall I write when all I see
In my mind’s mirror is, well, me?

Now my charms are all o’erthrown,
And what strength I have’s mine own,
Which is most faint.
Gentle breath of yours my sails
Must fill, or else my project fails,
Which was to please.
As you from crimes would pardoned be,
Let your indulgence set me free.

Hmmm that’s actually quite good. Gotta write that one down…

(Shakespeare goes off – music flourish to end the number. Amanda enters from backstage.)

Amanda:

Maria-Cha-Cha and the Infinite Variety players everyone!
Well now it’s time – 

Elly:

(peeking from behind the curtain) Psst!

Amanda:

Oh, hi Elly, what’s up?

Elly:

I need to make a public service announcement.

Amanda:

Uh, ok…

Elly:

Ahem.
You gentles, who perchance may fear
The smallest mouse that creepeth near
May feel concern because you swear
You saw, just now, a polar bear;
But worry not! This ursine creation
Is but an artistic representation.

Amanda:

So it’s not a real bear.

Elly:

It’s not a real bear.

Amanda:

Great. I’m sure everyone is very relieved to hear that.

Elly:

You’re welcome. (curtsies and exits)

Jake-Wheeze bit 1 : J. Cohen (with A.Kellock, E. Pond and N. Carpenter)

Amanda:

Ok, well, now it’s time for some comedy. So get ready for everybody’s favourite Fool, Jake-Wheeze!

JakeWheeze:

Psst! Psst! Lady Am! I don’t know if I can do this.

LADY AM:

What do you mean? I just introduced you. You’re supposed to be doing your act right now. 

JAKEWHEEZE:

Well, I did the farmer bit before, and it did not land. You said the Porter would be a slam dunk –  Funniest part of Macbeth.

LADY AM:

Fear not my foolish friend. Trust the Material. You’re gonna be great. You’re Jake-frickin-Wheeze! Now go.

Jake-Wheeze everyone!

(Jake addresses the audience.)

JAKEWHEEZE:

Good evening, (name of park)!
And now… the Porter from Macbeth.

Knock, knock! 

(AUDIENCE: Who’s there?)

Faith, here’s an equivocator, that could swear in both the scales against either scale; who committed treason enough for God’s sake, yet could not equivocate to heaven

SIR FREDNICK:

(laughing) God, he’s funny!

JAKEWHEEZE:

Aw, really Frednick? Me?

SIR FREDNICK:

No. Shakespeare. You on the other hand, with some work…

JAKEWHEEZE:

Are you kidding me? I’m not the problem here – it’s this material. “Swear in both the scales against either scale”? That’s not a punchline. That’s legal copy. 

SIR FREDNICK:

It sounds to me like you just don’t understand the text.

JAKEWHEEZE:

Ah. The text. Of course. Of course I don’t understand “the text”. I don’t even know what the word “equivocator” means. It’s like … math… something with math, maybe?

SIR FREDNICK:

No! Look, Shakespeare wrote Macbeth after the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605, which was when some English Catholics conspired to blow up the Houses of Parliament. When they were arrested, they tried using the art of equivocation – which is when you say one thing publicly but you think something different privately, so that God knows you’re telling Him the truth… But they still ended up being hanged! So… (laughs.) See?

(Beat.)

JAKEWHEEZE: 

Huh. So, what you’re saying is… all I have to do is Explain the joke, and then it’ll be funny?

SIR FREDNICK:

I’ve always said nothing is funnier than a good history lesson.

JAKEWHEEZE:

You do say that weirdly often… I’ll try it!

(JakeWheeze returns to the audience.)

JAKEWHEEZE: 

All right, folks, get ready! Here’s another classic from the Porter himself: Knock knock!

(AUDIENCE: Who’s there?)

Faith, here’s an English tailor come hither, for stealing out of a French hose: come in, tailor; here you may roast your goose. Am I right?!!So, the reason that’s funny is that. Um. During Shakespeare’s time… (adlib why joke is funny)

(The Bear pops up.)

JAKEWHEEZE:

Oh, hi Bear. I didn’t know you were into comedy!

(The Bear points him offstage.)

JAKEWHEEZE:

What?! This is so unfair. Nobody respects my artistry.

(He storms off. Sir Frednick stops him.)

SIR FREDNICK:

Just set it to music next time! Always works for me.

(Amanda enters.)

Amanda:

Uh, the comedy stylings of Jake-Wheeze everyone! And now, I think it’s time… yes, I think it’s time for a sonnet; so here’s Elly Eglantine with Sonnet number 94!

Sonnet 94 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by E.Pond)

Elly:

They that have power to hurt and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow:
They rightly do inherit heaven’s graces
And husband nature’s riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer’s flower is to the summer sweet
Though to itself it only live and die,
But if that flower with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity:

For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.

Elly :

Let’s take a breath together.  (Everyone takes a deep breath.) And, as the great Shakespeare once said: Clean air is a right and we should fight for that right!

Amanda :

Okay! Wow, fairies getting political, I love it. Though I don’t remember Shakespeare saying exactly that… And speaking of not exactly Shakespeare, prepare yourselves, because our next act will include some Shakespeare text, but also a quote that is NOT Shakespeare (even though it is often attributed to him.) Just want to pre-empt the emails we’ll inevitably get later. And now, please welcome DJ Gitania and the Mazèd world!

DJ Gitania and the Mazèd World (created by G. Jain and W. Shakespeare, performed by full company)

(Gitania enters with Maria and Elly as fairies.)

Gitania :

Come now, a roundell and a fairy song
With our dance, the Earth made strong
Hand in hand with Fairy Grace
We will sing a bless this place

(Gitania creates music with the looper while the others dance. Then, Jake enters and starts messing with the sounds via the looper; until –)

Gitania : 

These are the forgeries of jealousy:

(the music stops)

And never, since the middle summer’s spring,
Met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead,
Or in the beached margent of the sea,
To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind,
But with thy brawls thou hast disturb’d our sport.
Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,
As in revenge, have suck’d up from the sea
Contagious fogs; which falling in the land
Have every pelting river made so proud
That they have overborne their continents:
The ox hath therefore stretch’d his yoke in vain,
And crows are fatted with the murrion flock;
The human mortals want their winter here;
No night is now with hymn or carol blest:
Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,
Pale in her anger, washes all the air,
That rheumatic diseases do abound:
And thorough this distemperature we see
The seasons alter:the spring, the summer,
The childing autumn, angry winter, change
Their wonted liveries, and the mazed world,
By their increase, now knows not which is which:
And this same progeny of evils comes
From our debate, from our dissension;
We are their parents and original.

Now, let us sing all together.

(Gitania creates a song with the audience. Lyrics: The Earth has music for those who listen.)

Amanda : 

DJ Gitania and her fairies, everyone!

What a beautiful invitation to listen to the world around us.

And now, it’s time to shift gears… time for some heartache. Please welcome Maria Cha Cha and Sonnet 139.

Sonnet 139 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by M Jimenez)

Maria :

O, call not me to justify the wrong
That thy unkindness lays upon my heart;
Wound me not with thine eye but with thy tongue;
Use power with power, and slay me not by art.
Tell me thou lov’st elsewhere; but in my sight,
Dear heart, forbear to glance thine eye aside;
What need’st thou wound with cunning when thy might
Is more than my o’erpressed defense can bide?
Let me excuse thee: ah, my love well knows
Her pretty looks have been mine enemies;
And therefore from my face she turns my foes,
That they elsewhere might dart their injuries—

Yet do not so; but since I am near slain,
Kill me outright with looks and rid my pain.

Amanda :

Thank you for sharing, Maria!

And now, the comedy stylings of Jake-Wheeze!

Jake-Wheeze bit 2: J. Cohen et G. Jain (Come Away Death version one composed by J. Cohen, version two composed by G. Jain; lyrics by W. Shakespeare)

(JakeWheeze enters with his guitar. )

Jakewheeze :

And now… the musical comedy stylings of Feste from Twelfth Night.

(upbeat) Come away, come away Death!
And in sad cypress let me be laid;
Fly away, fly away breath;
I am slain by a fair cruel maid
My shroud of white
Stuck all in yew
O prepare it
My part of Death
No one so true
Did share it
O, did share it.

(Gitania interrupts him.)

Gitania : 

Hey buddy! Can I see that for a second?

(JakeWheeze passes her the guitar)

Gitania : 

What are you doing?

Jakewheeze :

… The musical comedy stylings of Feste from Twelfth Night?

Gitania : 

Right. Have you actually read Twelfth Night?

Jakewheeze :

I skimmed it.

Gitania : 

So then you know this song isn’t supposed to be funny – it’s all about unrequited love, the impermanence of life… Right?

Jakewheeze :

I did not read Twelfth Night.

Gitania : 

Okay. Just listen.

(She sings. It is beautiful and melancholic.)

Gitania : 

Come away, come away Death
And in sad cypress let me be laid;
Fly away, fly away breath;
I am slain by a fair cruel maid.

My shroud of white, stuck all in yew
O, prepare it
My part of Death, no one so true 
Did share it.

(They sing together.)

Not a flower, not a flower sweet
On my black coffin let there be strown
Not a friend, not a friend greet
My poor corpse where my bones shall be thrown.

Jakewheeze :

Wow. So you’re saying I don’t have to be funny at all, I just have to make people sad and think about death and bones and stuff?

Gitania : 

Well, Actually…

Jakewheeze :

Got it.

(JakeWheeze leaps up and addresses the audience.)

Jakewheeze :

We’re all going to die someday.

(Gitania gives up and leaves.)

Jakewheeze :

In the meantime, here’s one all the way from Denmark – what do you get when you cross two gravediggers with a banished prince?… It doesn’t matter! Existence is futile!

(The Bear emerges.)

The bear’s behind me isn’t he? Yeah, figures.

(Jakes exits, frustrated and grumbling.)

Amanda :

Thank you Jake-Wheeze…!

And now, we have a special guest who will join us: ____

(Amanda invites up the special guest and explains their connection to Repercussion. She asks them to share a favourite anecdote about Shakespeare in the Park. Banter. Then:)

Now, we didn’t just ask you up here to reminisce. You’re here to help solve a long-standing debate. You see, I have been asked over the years why we don’t translate the plays we do into modern English – the argument being, of course, that Shakespeare’s text is just too difficult for folks to understand. Now obviously I’m not opposed to contemporary language – it’s what we’re speaking right now. But I thought it would be fun to investigate this conundrum live and let the audience decide. Are you up for this? (yes!)

Ok. So we’ve chosen arguably Shakespeare’s most well-known soliloquy: To be or not to be.
Feels à propos given we’re doing some existential questioning here this evening.
You stand here at this mic, and Jake-Wheeze will take the center stage. He gets a larger platform, but you get to choose which text you’d like to read: original or modern?

(Choice is made. They read the texts…)

To Be or Not to Be – with alternating guests

Amanda :

Wow, thank you!

(Amanda riffs on whatever they did, then thanks the guest and sends them back to their seat.)

Next up we have another sonnet – but this sonnet has been turned into a piece of
music by our very own Sir Frednick of Gaunt. It’s Shakespeare’s Sonnet # 97 – How Like a Winter. I really love this one. It’s written, I think, as a poem about missing someone you love and then reuniting with them, but to me, it reminds me of the summer of 2020, when the world kind of stopped, and we of course had to cancel that year’s tour – (to Nick) which we both would have worked on… And in some ways I won’t lie, I did enjoy actually just having a summer; but it was also so strange to not have Shakespeare-in-the-Park, to not have this. And I spent much of that time re-reading all his plays and poems and this one just really hit me. So I’ll read it and then we’ll hear Frednick’s version.

Sonnet 97- How Like a Winter (Song composed by N. Carpenter, words by W. Shakespeare)

How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December’s bareness everywhere!
And yet this time remov’d was summer’s time,
The teeming autumn, big with rich increase,
Bearing the wanton burthen of the prime,
Like widow’d wombs after their lords’ decease:
Yet this abundant issue seem’d to me (to me)
But hope of orphans and unfather’d fruit;
For summer and his pleasure wait on thee,
And thou away, the very birds are mute;

Or if they sing, ‘its with so dull a cheer
That leaves look pale, dreading the winter’s near.

Amanda:

Oof, that one always gets me in the feels. I think I need to go backstage and ugly cry, so that means Elly – oh geez, Elly, I am so sorry but your next big act, we had to cut it due to budget constraints.

(Elly ad-libs what the big act was and how devastating it is for it to be cut.)

Amanda :

I know, I’m so sorry. Instead, would you mind introducing Jake’s next bit?

Elly :

Ok fine, Kermanda!

Amanda :

Huh?

Elly :

You know, cause this is like a muppet show and you’re like our Kermit the Frog.

(Amanda maybe comments on this and exits.)

(Elly turns to the audience mischievously and explains that she’s gonna trick Jake…)

Jake-Wheeze bit 3 : Dark Fool (w/Elly Eglantine) (J. Cohen and E. Pond)

(JakeWheeze sits on the lip of the stage wearing dark clothes and heavy eye makeup. Elly observes from behind, unnoticed by JakeWheeze.)

Jakewheeze :

Why did the chicken cross the road?

(beat)

Meh. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
And tomorrow. And tomorrow…
…Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.

(Elly signals to the audience – follow me! She prompts them to gasp, ooh, aah, laugh, cheer. JakeWheeze is thrilled at the positive response to his acting and goes even further.)

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage.
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

(Big finish! But the audience, prompted by Elly, has suddenly fallen silent, then starts to “boo.”
JakeWheeze is horrified. Turns around, discovers Elly’s prank. A chase sequence ensues.)

Insult-Off (full company and audience volunteers)

Jakewheeze : 

Come on, I thought I really had them that time!

Elly :

You had them bored to death. Foolery is all about honesty and playfulness. Being sad for no reason is just sad. For no reason.

Jakewheeze : 

What do you know about foolery, you counterfeit? You puppet, you!

Elly :

Take that back.

Jakewheeze : 

Never.

Elly :

Three-inch fool!

Jakewheeze : 

Three inch fool? What? I’m literally six feet –

(They devolve into modern insults. Amanda rushes on.)

Amanda:

Hey you two! Break it up!
If you’re going to throw around insults, at least let everyone play!

That’s right, I think what we need is a good old-fashioned insult-off.

Come on out here Gitania and Maria-Cha-Cha!

Alright, so we’ve got two teams: team Fairy and team Fool. But we need two audience members to round out the teams.

(Two audience membres are invited to play.)

Here’s how it will work.

You each pick an insult card. One by one, you’ll come up to the mic and deliver your insult to the opposing team. Audience, you let them know how good the insults are by your reactions! After we’ve heard all the insults, the audience will pick the winning team.

You ready?

(INSULT-OFF!)

 Wow, that was amazing. Thank you so much!

(Send audience members back to their seats. Jake and Elly shake hands and hug it out.)

Gitania:

All these insults are fun, but now I think we need a little LOVE. Am I right?

Everybody say LOVE.

(ALL : LOVE !)

 And now, for all the lovers out there, here’s a sonnet.

(Slow-jam sonnet jingle)

Sonnet 116 (written by W. Shakespeare, performed by G. Jain)

Gitania :

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Jakewheeze :

Hey! I have a love sonnet, too!

Maria – wanna hear a sonnet just for you?

(Maria is very happy to get a sonnet! But she doesn’t realize it starts out seeming not very nice…)

Sonnet 130 (by W. Shakespeare, performed by J. Cohen)

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.

(Maria starts to storm off)

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

ELLY :

Ooh! These love sonnets are the best! I think we should… create our own Love Sonnet – especially for someone in the audience.

Who here has come to the show with someone they love?

Could be a spouse or a best friend; a grandmother or a twin brother…

(They pick a couple, interview them, and they go off to write a customized sonnet!)

Amanda:

Ok! How exciting! We’re giving Shakespeare a run for his money and creating our own sonnet. So while we await the results of this customized sonnet, we’ve got a fabulous act by our multi-hyphenated star Maria-Cha-Cha who will present Kate’s final speech from Taming of the Shrew. Now, I know that speech can be a little controversial, but I’m pretty sure you’ve never seen the speech quite like this before…

Welcome Maria-Cha-Cha!!

The Taming of the Tap! (text by W. Shakespeare, created/performed by M. Jimenez)

(Maria does a number where she speaks Kate’s monologue while tap-dancing)

Maria :

Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
… tap tap tap…
Come, come, you froward and unable worms,
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown.
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot,
In token of which duty, if I please,
My hand is ready, may it do me ease.

(Maria exits)

Amanda :

Wow – Maria-Cha-Cha everyone! (Applause)

Now, let me check on how Elly and Jake are doing….
(opens the curtain to reveal Elly and Jake in full creation mode)

Hmm, ok well they need a bit more time.
Well I guess it’s just us, Sir Frednick.
Can I get some noodling on the piano?

Song – You’re Speaking Shakespeare (by N. Carpenter and A. Kellock)

Amanda :

It’s such a delight to be here in _________this evening, speaking and singing Some Shakespeare for these lovely folks. But we weren’t always sure we’d make it here, were we?

Nick :

Alas, we were not.

Amanda :

Yes it’s been quite a journey to get here. Not just because of inflation and an impending climate crisis. No, this year, with this unique format it was imperative to have a musical maestro at the center, so you were the first person I knew I wanted on the team; and as soon as we met the whole thing nearly fell apart, didn’t it?

Nick :

Too true.

Amanda :

Yes, As I recall…
(sung)I came to you last winter
And asked if you’d embark
On a venture bold and wondrous
Some theatre in the park
You said:

Nick :

(sung) I’d be delighted.
On what ship do we sail?

Amanda :

(sung)I said: “The good ship Shakespeare…”
And watched your face turn pale

(spoken)Then you said something I’ve heard many people say before

Nick :

“I just don’t really “get” Shakespeare…”

Amanda :

So I said:
(sung) “You say you don’t know, a bit of Shakespeare,
then declare “It’s Greek to me!”
And swear “for Goodness sake!” the soul of wit is brevity

You say you must be cruel to be kind,
this Bardolatry’s naive
The naked truth is that you wear your heart upon your sleeve.

Well my dear
Let me tell you friendly in your ear
You’re speakin’ Shakespeare”

(spoken) “His words and ideas are practically woven into our linguistic DNA” 

(sung) And yet you cried,

Nick :

(sung) “O Shakespeare!
Nothing against Shakespeare
But of his eight and thirty plays
There’s none that I can make clear.”    

Amanda :

So I said, look:
If you’ve felt heart-sick or knitted your brow
Called a rose by any other name
If you’ve wondered “wherefore art thou?” do you know who’s to blame?

Well my dear
Let me tell you friendly in your ear
You’re speakin’ Shakespeare

And yet you cried,

Nick :

 “O Shakespeare!
I just cannot get Shakespeare
Sometimes I think I’m coming close
Then I realize I ain’t near.”

Amanda :

Yes still you cried,

Nick :

 “O Shakespeare!
Daunting, dreaded Shakespeare
I get stage fright anyway
But with Shakespeare, I get shakier.”

Amanda :

And that’s when I realized – Ahhh! Thou art afeard…

(sung)You worried that you’d get all tongue-tied. Strut and fret upon this stage
Stain your spotless reputation in your middle age

(spoken)We went back and forth like this for quite some time, but finally you saw that you actually knew more Shakespeare than you thought. And now you’re practically a Bard Afficionado. So what I’d like to do is play a game with the audience where they get to realize how much Shakespeare they know; and you’ll be the judge, ok? So get up, Sir Frednick, let’s play a game.

(Suddenly Maria and Gitu pop out at the mention of a game.)

Nick :

I’d love to, but I can’t noodle on the piano and play a Shakespeare game at the same time.

(Maria offers to take Nick’s place at the piano.)

Maria :

I got you!

(Nick can’t refuse and stands up to play the game.)

Gitu :

Can I play too?

Amanda : 

Yes! – and you too out there! I’ll speak a quote and you tell me what play it’s from. Ready?

(Amanda will pick a few from the list:)

• Two households both alike in dignity

• To be or not to be

• If we shadows have offended think but this and all is mended that you have slumbered here while these visions did appear and this week and idle theme no more yielding but a – (dream)

• Gitania, you wanna take this one? Gitu: “O pardon me thou bleeding piece of Earth…”

• OK, this is a tricky one because you’re not actually supposed to say the name of this play out loud in a theater because it’s bad luck… But now I don’t even need to say the quote because you all know what play I’m talking about!

• And finally – this is a tough one: “For God’s sake let us sit upon the Earth and tell sad stories of the death of Kings.” (Nick knows it!)

(To Nick) So? How do you feel about Shakespeare now?

(Maria does a kind of rumble on the piano…)

Nick :

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em!

(Maria does a “tada!” on the piano. She and Nick high-five, and Nick takes his place again.)

Amanda :

That’s the spirit! You got this.

Nick :

No, we got this!

Amanda et co :

(sung) Well my dears
Now the game’s a foot yeah we’re in the clear
No need to be gloomy, hey that’s one right there

Nick :

“His words keep comin’ to me. They are always near”

Amanda and co.:

If you’re in a pickle don’t you shed a tear
As good luck would have it, I’ve the answer here
All the world’s a stage and you’re a sonneteer
Harken to the music of the spheres
We’re speakin’ Shakespeare.

Amanda and Nick :

And here we are this summer
So happy to embark
On a venture bold and wondrous
Some Shakespeare in the park                    

(Elly and Jake pop out – “we’re ready!”)

Shall I Compare Thee – Presentation of Customized sonnet (E.Pond et J.Cohen) 

(This will be different each night)

The story of the BEAR (full company)

(As Jake and Elly celebrate their amazing sonnet, they notice the Bear has shown up.) 

Jake :

No! Come on Bear, that was good!

(Bear shakes his head.) 

Elly :

Wait you’re not here to chase us off the stage?

Jake :

(jokingly) Maybe he wants a sonnet!

 (Bear shifts in a way to indicate interest.)

 Elly :

Wait, is that it? Do you… like poetry?

 (Bear nods “yes”)

 Jake & Elly :

Woahhhhh. 

Jake :

Hold on. Just checking – that’s not a real bear, right?

Nick :

No, it’s an artistic interpretation of a bear.

Elly :

Yeah we actors take turns back there –

(Maria enters) 

Maria :

Hey, what’s going on?

Elly :

Bear wants a sonnet.

Maria :

Oh cool. (thinks) Wait. That’s not a real bear, right?

Jake :

(scoffs) Obviously.

Elly :

Oh! It must be Gitania wanting us to write a poem about bears and forests and –

(Gitu and Amanda enter in conversation and realize something is happening.)

Gitu :

What? 

Amanda :

Why has the show stopped?

(All look at the Bear. Bear points to a book. Elly picks up the book and opens it to a marked page.) 

Elly :

In 1609, two polar bear cubs were captured off the arctic waters of Svalbard, Norway and brought back as gifts to King James the First in London.

Jake :

Bears were popular entertainment at the time, used in brutal bear-baiting rings – like the one right next door to Shakespeare’s Globe theatre, called Paris Gardens.

Maria :

Woah – The person in charge of animals at the Paris Garden and those sometimes used at Court for various entertainments was none other than Shakespeare’s good friend, Philip Henslowe; records show he routinely rented them out for various uses.

Jake :

There are 3 plays around this time whose stage directions reference a bear, including the most famous, in Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale: “Exit, pursued by a bear.”

Maria :

Woah! There was a real bear??

Elly :

(To the group) We need to tell this story.

Gitu :

Yeah – a wild animal taken from his home to be tamed and trained to entertain…

Amanda :

Can you do it? (they say yes) Alright then, for our next act, the Infinite Variety Players present the Story of the Bear!

(Elly grabs some white fabric and makes a bear.)

Jake :

Lemme guess: an artistic representation of a bear?

Scene 1

Elly :

A baby bear
The arctic sky
A shooting star
Mama nearby

Scene 2

(Hands grab the bear and take him away)

Maria :

But suddenly the hands of men
They grab the bear; he cries, but then

Scene 3

(The Bear is tossed on the waves in a small boat on the way to London.)

Gitu :

A ship at sea crammed full of stolen treasures
The poor bear’s nose is keen; it must be torture

Scene 4

(The Bear arrives in the bustling city of London – Jake carries him in a basket.)

Jake :

Our bear arrives in London Town!
So many strange and frightening sights
Yelling voices, bustling bodies
So far from his northern lights

Maria :

You going to the Beargarden?

Elly :

Yeah I’ll see you there!

Gitu :

Look out below!

Scene 5

(The Bear is forced to participate in cruel circus acts and bear-baiting.)

Elly :

But the worst was yet to come
The bear pits stank of fear and sweat –
(beat)
I don’t want to show this part.

(Everyone agrees.)

Jake :

Yeah, no, it’s too awful.

Maria :

Humans are capable of some pretty crazy things.

Gitu :

“There’s many a beast in a populous city,
And many a civil monster.”

Scene 6

(The Bear learns to survive and becomes a performer.)

Jake :

But our bear survives. He learns the game, cause he’s smart.

Elly :

Yes!

Jake :

When white fur greyed, they bleached his grey fur white.
The masses cheered the more he roared in pain.
And soon, he learned to cry on cue, and strut
About their stage – to thrive in their domain.

Maria :

Word spread of this performer polar bear;
One fateful day, his fate again would sway –
They brought him to the Court, and promised him
A walk-on-role in Shakespeare’s newest play.

Jake :

It was my first time at the theatre.
How marvellous it was! Words like I had never heard before!
The crowd in the bear pits chewed their words and spit them out like tobacco.
But here…
These words were sacred.
Savoured, and relished.
Used to caress, to beg, to wonder.

Gitu :

I listened from my cage behind the curtain as Hermione begged for her life.

Amanda :

“My third comfort
Starr’d most unluckily, is from my breast,
The innocent milk in its most innocent mouth,
Haled out to murder”

“Now, my liege,
Tell me what blessings I have here alive,
That I should fear to die?”

Gitu :

I suddenly missed my mama, missed the ice, grieved for my lost innocence, yearned for freedom.

Antigonus (Jake) :

A savage clamour!
Well may I get aboard! This is the chase:
I am gone for ever.

Elly :

The time had come, it was my cue,
My task was simple: to pursue.

And yet… Once I stepped out onto that stage,
to face those who had brought me here
Who only wanted me to roar and run for their entertainment
I suddenly stopped.
I looked at them and said:

(asks the group) What did he say?

Jake :

I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you

Gitu :

O pardon me thou bleeding piece of Earth
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers

Elly :

They that have power to hurt and will do none
They rightly do inherit Heaven’s graces

Maria :

As you from crimes would pardoned be, let your indulgence set me free

Elly :

(to Amanda) What do you think he said?

Amanda :

As much as I love all those options, I think he did the bit. He played his part, he roared and put on a show and the audience applauded. What else was he supposed to do? He’s an artist – right bear? That’s what we do – we smile and put on a show, no matter what’s going on underneath or behind the scenes. (beat) Sorry.

Jake :

I feel like you’re talking about something else?

Amanda :

Yeah, sorry.

(Bear has gone back to behind the curtain, and someone is holding baby bear)

Elly :

Well, Bear, what do you want to do now?

(Big bear points to baby bear. They give back the baby bear.)

Amanda :

That was a lovely story. Thank you players. And sorry for my interjections, really.

I’m just stressed.. But let’s keep things moving, yeah?

Jakewheeze :

Good Lady Am! I think I know what you need. Give me leave to prove you a fool!

Amanda :

Ah Jake, I’m really not in the mood for a fool bit right now.

Jakewheeze :

Give me leave to prove you a fool!

Amanda :

(Avoiding) What is that, Twelfth Night? You finally read Twelfth Night?

Jakewheeze :

Hey, we do the bit, right? We put on a show?

Lady Am :

Fine. Can you do it?

Jakewheeze :

Dexterously, good Lady…

Lady Am :

Make your proof.

Jakewheeze :

I must catechize you for it, good Lady.

Answer me: Why mournest thou?

Lady Am :

Good fool, because I don’t know whether Shakespeare-in-the-Park can survive all these obtsacles, I just don’t know how we keep going…

Jakewheeze :

I don’t think it really matters, Lady.

Lady Am :

I think it does matter, Fool. I think it’s a beautiful thing that matters very much to people. And I think these folks agree.

Jakewheeze :

Do you? Do you agree?

(response from audience)

Then, the more fool you, Lady, to mourn something beautiful just because it might end someday. (Especially when it matters to so many people.) I present, your Fool – Lady Am!

(Amanda is won over.)

Gitu :

The Fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Amanda :

Fine. So just be here now? Be ok with the unknown?

Jake :

I mean, I’m hoping someone watching has a cheque for a million dollars –

Maria :  

Nobody knows what the future holds.

Amanda : 

You’re right. But actually, we do know something of the future. We know that, chances are, if the past is anything to go by, then the future of Repercussion is here in this audience. IN fact, I know we have at least one aspiring Infinite Variety Player, a Young Shakespearean who is going to perform Sonnet #15 for us. Please welcome to the stage _________________

(Actors sing SONNET JINGLE!)

Sonnet 15 (by W. Shakespeare, performed by a different Young Shakespearean each night)

When I consider everything that grows
Holds in perfection but a little moment,
That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows
Whereon the stars in secret influence comment;
When I perceive that men as plants increase,
Cheered and check’d even by the selfsame sky,
Vaunt in their youthful sap, at height decrease,
And wear their brave state out of memory;
Then the conceit of this inconstant stay
Sets you most rich in youth before my sight,
Where wasteful Time debateth with Decay
To change your day of youth to sullied night;

And all in war with Time for love of you,
This above all to thine own self be true.

Amanda :

__________ everyone! (applause)

Thanks you for that.

Amanda :

Alright. Well now I think it’s time.

Maria :

For the 11 o’clock musical number??

Amanda :

What do you think, Frednick? (he plays)

On This Stage (Song composed by N. Carpenter, performed by full company)

In Shakespeare’s plays
There are so many ways to die, (to die, to die, to die)
Be it smothered by a pillow,
Pursued by a bear
Or even, baked in a pie. (In a pie)
Yes it’s really not hard
To be killed by the Bard
With a dagger, a rival, rapier, a shiv
But in all of those (all of these) (all of these) (all of these) plays
There are just as many ways to live!

You can be an upstart crow
You can be a Romeo
Or a melancholy Dance;
You can be a fairy wild
Or a queen of de Nile
Or any number of women who are driven insane
By a man who just wants to be king \or a king who just wants to be a man
On this stage, baby you can.

You can be a scurvy knave
Or a good nurse brave
Or a jester who just tries too hard
To land a joke
On nowadays folk
Don’t be too judgy, those jokes were once avant-garde.
You can be a girl dresses up as a boy
Or a boy dresses resembling a girl
If on this stage, why not the world?

Loving and hating
Rushing and waiting
Anything that you or I can be
Rising and falling
Surprisingly galling
Infinite Variety

Duelling and duking
Mewling and puking
Anything the ends with I-N-G
Craving and curing
Somehow enduring
In – fi – nite…

If you’re old or young
If you’ve lost or won
If you’re under the sun
If you’re anyone
And we’ve just begun!

(End of song)

Amanda :

What’s that? You want one more song? Well, ok then! (Bit of riffing on collecting donations – in parks where this is permitted.) We need your help for this song. So you sing the refrain – you’ll see it’ll be easy.

Epilogue : The Rain it Raineth (song by W.Shakespeare, performed by full company)

Jake :

When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With a hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.

All:

Hey Ho the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day

Jake/Elly :

But when I come to man’s estate,
With a hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
’Gainst knaves and fools men shut their gate,
For the rain it raineth every day.

Tous :

Hey Ho the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day

Amanda/Maria :

But when I came, alas! To wive,
With a hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain it raineth every day.

Tous :

Hey Ho the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day

(FAST VERSE! Whole team comes to join in!)

But when I came unto my bed,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain it raineth every day.

Hey, Ho the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day

(The song slows down again)

A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
But that’s all one, our play is done,
And we’ll strive to please you every day.

Tous :

Hey Ho the wind and the rain,
For it rain it raineth every day.

FIN